Don’t Retire, ReFire: The art of moving on

A new year means an opportunity for positive change

By Gail Supplee Tatum, Columnist, The Times

As we go through our lives, from even before we can remember, we are faced with trials and tribulations, as well as joy and accomplishments. We are faced with change and choices, from a baby, to cry when our diaper is wet, to an adult, to choose the right people to be around, who will encourage us and lift us up.

There are people we meet who we believe have our best interest at heart. There are people that we meet who, sadly, don’t have our best interest at heart. Even more disheartening, we meet people who appear to have our best interest at heart, but really have another agenda. As we grow up and have many life experiences, we develop our true sense of self. Once we know who we are, what our core values are, what we want and, as important, what we don’t want, we will begin to attract true relationships and weed out those that try to distract us from moving toward our goals, the ones we were put on this earth to accomplish.

By now, the majority of us have thought, several times, about what the New Year will bring. For most, it brings a sense of hope, a sense of “wiping the slate clean,” starting anew. For me, it means focusing on the positive, creating a solid schedule of when to rise, when to exercise, when to eat, when to network, with who, what time, which category, as I have three strong passions, when to connect with my friends and, of course, when to lay my head down for a good solid night’s sleep so that I can get up, at the same time, and do it all over again. I may rotate and work on one category each day, so that I stay on task. I am setting up a specific place in my house, away from the TV, the kitchen, emails with low priority and any other distractions, so that I stay on point and accomplish in the day, what I want to accomplish.

Often times, when we set our resolutions and intentions, we almost make it unattainable, by making our list too rigid. As you set your goals, allow time for interruptions but don’t allow interruptions to become a regular occurrence.

The more routine our day is, the better we feel, in every way. When we feel better about ourselves, we can begin to compartmentalize the positive and the negative and then we can begin to move on towards the positives in our lives and leave the negatives in the dust. Image being in the desert, in a dune-buggy, peeling away quickly, kicking up a huge cloud of dust and sand, and as we briefly look back, all we see a that thick, huge cloud and not the negative person, event or situation that we peeled away from. THAT’S the Art of “Moving On”!

Here are three ways to help you move on from a stagnant place:

Accept the situation. Can you make a change if you stay in that stagnant place? Can it do you any good? Think of the Serenity Prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. That sums it up.
Let the negative go. By hanging on, the only one who will hurt is you. If not, accept the situation, as it is and “leave it in the dust”.
Find the joy in the moment. Your heart will lighten if you look for the joy. You will find it. It’s everywhere. You will find it if you smile at someone. You will get a smile back, 95% of the time.

As we embark on a new year, with new goals and a fresh start, I would love to hear what your goals are, what your challenges are and if I can lend my guidance, if you’re struggling with how to set your goals, face your challenges and the art of moving on. I will be using real life situations to illustrate how we should handle things in life, in the coming year.

My goal is to have more of an interactive conversation. As someone who was married, the first time, at a young age, not knowing who I was and what I wanted out of life, to breaking free 16 ½ years later, to finding true love, I thought, 7 years later to betrayal 11 years after that to, finally, coming into my own and knowing what I want out of life and, more importantly, what I don’t want out of life, I clearly have sage advice for consideration.

Looking forward to hearing from you!